


Backdoor Man

by qthelights



Category: West Wing
Genre: Anal Play, Anal Sex, Australia, F/M, Humor, Politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-02-05
Updated: 2001-02-05
Packaged: 2017-10-30 15:34:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/333279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qthelights/pseuds/qthelights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My very first fandom, a long time ago. Read at your own peril ;)</p>
    </blockquote>





	Backdoor Man

**Author's Note:**

> My very first fandom, a long time ago. Read at your own peril ;)

Friday Lunchtime  
Josh’s office.

* * * * * *

I think Josh is singing.

_“I like trees, and shrubs and plants and trees and shrubs and plants…”_

It definitely sounds like it’s coming from Josh’s office.

Hmm…

_“But I’ve put up a fence now, so they can’t get in , yeah”_

I peer inside Josh’s office and sure enough, he’s the source of the singing. He’s at his computer and accompanying music is coming out of the speakers.

_“Please explain, Me, me me…please explain me, me, me, please explain…”_

“I’ve been saying that for years,” I remark, causing Josh to jump and whip around to see who is talking.

“Geez Donna, don’t scare me like that!”

“Sorry…wanted to know where the music was coming from,” I reply and look over Josh’s shoulder at the computer screen.

Interesting. It looks like…well it looks like a woman flashing her butt.

“Josh, what are you looking at?”

His eyes move to the screen and he hastily minimizes the browser window. “Australian politics.”

“That didn’t look very political.”

“Uh…it is…it’s satirical.”

“What’s it satirizing?” I ask as a new chorus of the song starts; “What I’ve called for is a homosexual government, yeah, Join us, be one of us, come out, be one of us, yeah.”

What the hell?

Josh swallows audibly at the lyrics and my raised eyebrow, “Um…some politician…she’s well, she has some somewhat backward views. Homophobic, racist…all those lovely things.”

 _“I’m a backdoor man, I’m very proud of it, I’m a backdoor man, I’m homosexual”_  says the computer.

“Well....”

“It’s not what it sounds like though,” he starts and opens up the window again with the big butt showing. “See this is a spoof song…this person is a drag queen I guess, and he…she…well dresses up like the politician.” He waves at the butt and I’m assuming that it belongs to the transvestite.

“And the lyrics?” I ask because the words are weird and the sound is funny.

“It’s all her, the real politician, her comments that have been taken out of context and put together into this song by the other person, saying things she wouldn’t like to be saying.”

_“I’m a very caring potato.”_

“A very caring potato?”

“She was on a gardening show…”

“Ah..”

“Yeah…but it’s cool, Donna. These songs went way up in the music charts.”

“In Australia?”

“Yeah…so, well I guess the real politician wasn’t that well liked.”

“Are any politicians liked, Josh?”

“Hey!” He protests and looks over his shoulder at me with a pout.

_“And back there, this is a circular driveway.”_

I have to snicker at the lyrics. They really are quite silly. Also, I’m wondering what I could make out of Josh’s words if I need to one day.

_“I’m a backdoor man, yes I am…”_

“So are you a backdoor man, Josh?” I ask with a grin.  
  
“Donna!” he blushes and gets up from his computer, moving back around to his desk.

“What?” I question innocently sitting down in the guest chair.

Josh lowers his voice to a whisper, “You *know* I’m not homosexual Donna…we’ve…we’ve done things!” He says this waving his arms back and forth between us.

“I’m not asking if you’re gay, Josh,” I laugh at his theatrics. “I’m asking if you’re a *backdoor* man.”

He looks confused a second and then the light dawns. It’s really quite an amusing thing to watch.

“You mean…do I like to…back there?” His eyebrows are up near his hairline.

“Yes.”

“Uh…I mean…do you mean me to other people…or others to me?”

I think a second. “Both.”

He swallows again and shifts uncomfortably in his chair.

“Um…well…I’m not sure we should be talking about…”

“Everyone’s out to lunch Josh. There’s no one around. Now answer the question.”

“Uhm…,” he stutters. This is our master politician and his verbal skills. “Well I’ve only done, *that*, to someone once before.”

“Male or female?” I ask enjoying this impromptu sharing.

“Female.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“And did they…like it?” I ask curiously.

“Yes.” Josh answers firmly.

“Really?” I ask again, my voice a little higher.

“Yes. It’s a very pleasant experience for both the male and female.”

I think about this a moment. Doing something…back there…is something I’ve always wondered about. But in truth, it scares me a little. It seems like it would really, you know, hurt!

“Do you want to try it?” Josh asks inquisitively and leans back in his chair knowing he has the upper hand in this conversation now.

Do I want to…oh dear.

“Um,” I start, doing a great impression of ‘two minutes ago Josh’.

“I’m more than willing to try that with you if you want to Donna.”

“I, I don’t know…I’m not sure that I’d like…”

“I’d go slow with you Donna.”

“Um…how about a tentative okay?”

Josh smiles smugly, “Fine.”

“Can I try it on you?” I ask in the interest of keeping things equal.

“Did you suddenly grow a penis?” Josh asks and I blush bright red I’m sure of it.

“There are things, Josh, you know, ‘toys’.”

Now Josh is blushing.

“Oh.”

“So could I?”

“I’m not sure that…”

“Josh, if I let you go there then you should let me go there too.”

“Yeah but I’m not used to people, going back there!”

“And I am?”

“Well you’re a female Donna…you get things, um, in your other places.”

Oh that is so typical!

“Josh! There is a big difference between *that* and *there*! And further more I don’t like that line of thought at all! Are you saying that men are allowed to invade women because they’re used to it, but that women can’t enter males?”

Josh realizes the way this sounds and frowns.

“Well I wasn’t quite…”

“Thinking,” I supply, “You weren’t quite thinking, Josh.”

“No,” he agrees glumly.

“So?”

“So?” he queries.

“Josh! Will you let me or not?”

“Um…I’m also going to give a tentative okay.”

 _“My shopping trolley murdered, my groceries just gone!”_  sings the computer.

“And Josh?”

_“I don’t like a puppet without strings, there’s a Muppet in the wings”_

“Can you turn that off now?”

* * * * * *

Later that night  
Josh’s apartment

* * * * * *

Okay…so Josh and I were just kissing and stuff…and well, I could swear that I just felt…

Oh yeah, I definitely just felt Josh’s finger touching me…back there.

“Josh?”

“Yes, Donna?” He replies looking at me with a big smile.

“What, exactly, are you doing?”

“Just touching,” he says and the smile grows.

“’Kay.”

He touches me there again.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asks, continuing to rub softly.

Okay. This is a good question. I have to admit, I’m very curious now, due to our conversation at lunch. And the idea doesn’t totally turn me off now that I’ve had time to think about it. Of course, I also trust Josh very much.

But on the other hand…

Oh why not. He says it’s pleasurable to both sexes.

“No, it’s okay…you can keep doing…that.”

“Sure?”

“Mhmm.”

Josh continues to do what he’s doing. It’s actually starting to feel kind of nice. In a couple of minutes I’m finding myself very turned on.

“Josh?”

“Donna?”

“Do you wanna, um…go back to the bedroom and take it a little further?”

“Yeah?” He says and I swear his eyes light up.

Before I can respond he’s up and heading for the bedroom. Following, I find he’s already pulled back the covers, found a tube of lubricant and the condoms.

I guess he must really want to do this.

Undressing, I hop back into the bed and pull up the covers to keep out the chill. Seconds later Josh is jumping in next to me and pulling me close.

I’m really enjoying just the kissing so far, he’s being gentle and his hands are roaming over my back and it feels wonderful. His hand moves down my stomach and I push forward as he finds my clit.

I’m shocked out of my arousal though a few minutes later when Josh’s finger descends further back. Well I guess I’m not that shocked, it was just a little unexpected to feel that you know?

“Is this okay, Donna?”

“Little slower maybe,” I reply, leaning in to kiss his mouth again.

His tongue probes my mouth and his finger…well it probes somewhere else. I’m not sure if I’m still aroused or not. Well I am I guess, but this feels so weird.

Telling myself to relax I start to get into the whole thing more. It does feel good in a strange kind of way.

And when Josh starts to move his finger a little deeper and then in and out gently I realise it feels *really* good.

“Okay?” He asks again, it’s really quite sweet of him to keep checking.

“Mmm…yeah…s’all okay…”

“Good,” he smiles and then lets his thumb find my clit again to gently rub there too.

Oh wow….that feels so good!

It only takes a few short strokes of Josh’s thumb and his finger in the other place before I’m coming hard against his hand.

“Huh,” I say once I’ve regained composure.

“Huh?”

“It felt different.”

“Your orgasm?”

“Yeah…it was… it didn’t feel like it was in the same place.”

“Really? Cool,” Josh grins at this newfound knowledge.

“That was nice…”

“Do you want to move on to bigger things?” He grins with a smirk and pushes his erection against my thigh.

“Sure,” I answer because I’m feeling much better about this whole thing.

“Okay…give me a second then,” he says and then rolls over to find the condoms and the lubricant.

I watch him ‘setting up’ because I like that. Why I don’t know but it’s fun. Hehe.

“Okay, you’re going to have to…well how about you get on your hands and knees, is that okay?”

I nod and do as he suggests, though I have to say, this isn’t my favorite position. I always feel very exposed somehow.

Suddenly I feel a cold wet glob of lubricant hit my…well…yeah, and I gasp in surprise. “Joshhh….”

He’s still smirking, I note as I look over my shoulder, “Sorry, Donna, should have warned ya.”

“No kidding.”

He actually slaps my ass at this point. Not hard or anything. But still!

“Josh!”

“What?” he asks with the ‘innocent’ voice.

“Don’t do that!” I whine.

He laughs, “Okay,” and then very lightly pats my ass again. *sigh*.

My retaliation to this gesture is cut short though as I feel Josh’s erection start to push against my …you know.

It feels bigger.

In fact it feels very big.

He pushes slowly and I can feel my muscles opening to accommodate him.

It feels weird.

“Okay?” He asks for the millionth time, only this time he’s sounding very aroused.

“Mhmm,” I say, not really knowing if I’m liking this or not.

Suddenly Josh slips further inside me and it actually hurts a little bit.

Maybe I just need to get used to it?

And then he starts pulling out again.

Oh god… it feels…it feels like I’m … oh this is so embarrassing….it feels like I need to, you know, ‘go to the bathroom’.

I bite my lip. What do I do? Josh is really enjoying this, judging by the sounds he’s making.

He pushes back in again, and while it does feel arousing, it also feels too uncomfortable for me to really get into this.

“God, Donna…you feel amazing…”

Um, um, um…

“So tight,” he grunts out.

He pulls out again a little bit faster and again I feel like I’m about to…the idea of which is so…gross…I can’t need to go to the bathroom though. I know, logically, that it is just the feel of Josh’s erection. But that doesn’t make it feel any less real.

Oh my gosh this is so awkward. I don’t want to say anything…but I’m really going to have to.

“Josh?” I say quietly.

“Uh huh?…mmmmm….,”

“Josh I think that we might have to…”

I’m cut off as he moans again softly.

“Josh we have to stop.”

He stops.

“Huh? Am I hurting you?” He asks in a panicked tone.

“No, no,” I reassure him, “It’s just that, well I really don’t like it.”

“You don’t?” He asks, surprised.

“Not particularly.”

“Oh…okay hang on a sec,” he says and then, thankfully, begins to pull out slowly.

I feel him move off the bed and I lay down, rolling back over onto my back. The lubricant is still all over me and it feels cold and slimy.

Josh emerges from the en suite a second later, minus condom and drying his hands on a towel.

He sits down beside me on the bed and smoothes the hair out of my eyes. “You alright?” he asks gently.

I nod.

“I’m sorry you didn’t like it, Donna. I honestly thought you would.”

“S’okay…maybe I just need to get used to it more before we go the whole way…”

“Sure,” he says, “That could be an idea.”

“I think we need to shower.”

“Probably a good idea, yeah.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep going for you.”

“That’s okay Donna, don’t worry about it…I’d rather have you happy than miserable just for my pleasure.”

“Hugs?”

“Hugs, definitely,” he confirms and leans down to squeeze me tightly. “So I guess we just had our first round of bad sex, huh?” he teases.

“Well we have a lot of good sex though, so it probably had to balance out a bit,” I conjecture.

“True, but we don’t have good sex Donna,” Josh says and surprises me.

“We don’t?”

“Nope. We have great sex,” he smiles.

“Ah, well yes, I’d agree with that.”

Josh smiles and leans down to kiss my forehead before getting up and heading back into the bathroom.

Getting up, a little gingerly, because it still feels kinda funny down there, I make my way in there too.

Josh is humming something.

“What’s that?” I ask watching as he gets a new cake of soap from the box under the cabinet.

“Soap?” He queries with a smirk, “You’ve never used any before?”

“I mean what are you humming.”

“Just a little something I once heard,” he says before going back to the tune and turning on the shower.

Is that…

“Josh!”

He looks over at me and grins. “Yeah?”

“You’re humming the I’m a backdoor man thing aren’t you?!”

His grin widens, “But Donna, I *am* a backdoor man with you now.”

Oh brother.

I push him into the shower and hop in with him as he breaks out into the song, words and all.


End file.
